I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
