ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
