I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
