I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
