I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
