I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How naked do you want me to be?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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