when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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