So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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