we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
