JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize