so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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