a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
