party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
