im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize