did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
