A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize