i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
