Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
