I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
