So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize