life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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