There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
