I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
