you turned your livingroom into a bong?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
