I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
