I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
