I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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