Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am one with the molecules
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
