Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
