Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I forget how to act sober
Randomize