All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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