i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
