After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
