Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
