If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
