When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
