My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
