so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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