I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
