I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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