Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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