just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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