Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
