how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
