I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
