So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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