This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize