I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize