I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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