Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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