Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
