Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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