I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
