Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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