hotel room ftw
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
