My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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