Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My dick has a subreddit
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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