That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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