just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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