Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
