Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
