how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
