Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
