Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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