She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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