so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want a musical about memes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
