i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
