You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
