1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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