I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
