I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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