i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
