Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I die, sorry about rent.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
