Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My liver just broke up with me...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
