the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
