Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
