i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
