i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
