we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
