STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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