I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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