Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize