i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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