Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
