Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
