i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
