Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
