I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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