i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
