i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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