She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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