Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
