I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
