i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
