One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
