that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
