A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
