you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
