Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
