so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
