she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
