Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
