Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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