We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
