Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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