I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
