do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
