Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize