I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize