Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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