So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
